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28 April 2008 @ 02:02 pm
so its official.....my parents are moving back to germany at some point in july. which is awesome because it will give me an excuse to go over there for vacations and shit....but i now have to deal with an overwhelming amount of stress about where im going to live, how im going to survive with my parents in europe.

if i was younger id hop on the plane with them and start a new life over there but i feel like i would probably end up being unhappy if i went now. i guess i have about a week or two to figure everything out so i can get all my shit situated at my new residence, wherever that may be. as of right now the plan is to be back in portland by mid to late june.....but i dont really know if thats going to happen due to lack of funds that i should have been saving since the day i returned home. whatever i suppose, hopefully everything falls into place and i am happy with the choice i make.
18 April 2008 @ 06:33 pm
so i found out last night that my dad applied for a job in germany that hes pretty much going to get....which means they will be leaving around the end of may.

what the fuck am i going to do?
28 March 2008 @ 07:35 am
all i have to say is if i havent been very talkative lately its because i dont think ive ever been as sick as i have this past week in my entire life. anyone who feels like i blew them off or whatever im sorry, its just that my focus was on trying to get better. and considering im not in school right now i dont have health insurance so i have had to deal with a fever of 103.9 for the past few days without any kind of medical treatment. im surprised i didnt have a seizure or anything serious due to the high temp. good news i suppose.

anyways, im sorry for being so standoffish. i should be back in full force soon......i hope
25 March 2008 @ 09:40 pm
i feel like my friendships with everyone are slowly dwindling away

i hope im wrong. i care about my friends so much but its hard to give everyone the time i wish i could. there just arent enough hours in a day to spend time making sure everyone i care about is doing well and that their day went alright. i wish i could, but lately ive been so sick i cant think about anything but whether or not im going to get better anytime soon. not to mention squeezing in work and family time. oh god......i dont really know if there is any real reason im posting this. just needed to vent a little i guess.

by the way, to anyone who cares it looks like ill be moving back to portland in july.
20 March 2008 @ 09:34 am
so this weekend ill be having a serious talk with my parents about moving back to portland. im pretty sure that i can convince them to help me out with my student loans and shit. hopefully they agree with me and help out because i need to get back into school and finish. i also decided what i want to change my major to. im thinking behavioral science....so i can be a substance abuse counselor. haha odd right? i need to settle down and really get my life going again because i sure as hell cant do it here in Presque Isle. i dunno, this weekend will be the deciding factor i suppose.

hopefully things go well and ill be back down there by july or august.
18 March 2008 @ 09:19 am
all i can say is this past weekend in portland helped me realize that i need to move back down there asap. i realized what amazing friends i left behind down there and that i want nothing more in this world than to be closer to them.

to everyone i saw this weekend....i love you, you are my backbone and the only thing keeping me sane.
01 January 2008 @ 12:07 am
each and every year im reminded how much i hate this evening. i dont know what it is but something ALWAYS happens that ruins my night, for as long as i can remember....its retarded and stupid and i hate that i have to post stupid shit like this.

i took one step into a party tonight, saw a certain person and before my other foot even came in the door i was turned around and headed out. i need to just drop off the face of the earth for awhile and figure my life out.

so im sure only a select few people will hear from me....unless you call and leave a message or something, ill be laying in bed for the next few days trying to figure my life out.

good night
06 November 2007 @ 09:03 am
so my birthday is coming up. i dont know how excited i am....i will be 21 this year but every year my birthday turns out to be a big disappointment. i found out last night my mom wont be around this year....which doesnt bother me because usually one of my parents is gone. but its understandable. my sister is living in germany with my brother in law and she is about 32 weeks pregnant with her first child. she is due at the end of december but shes been having contractions for the past few days so obviously everyone is a little worried about the baby and my sisters health. so my mom will be flying to germany this week to be with her. she offered to let me go with her....and i really would love to be back in europe. i love that place, but i need to start working. well, i need to find a job first. but regardless i dont know if taking more time off to go to germany would be the smartest thing for me to do. plus it wouldnt be any fun if i didnt have any spending money. although spending my 21st birthday in europe would be memorable. maybe i should just live over there. everyone that i know over there would probably be more than willing to help me out. i could probably get a job cooking at a restaurant or working in a bar.....haha i did it when i was 12 so what would stop me from doing it at 21. anyway, i think the plan is still to go to portland with my dad so i can actually spend my birthday with my friends and hopefully have a better day than i have the past few years.

anyway.....if you are around portland this weekend, call me. it would be nice to hear from everyone
26 September 2007 @ 09:21 pm
im in PI again.....it fucking sucks

i miss portland and all of my friends

im miserable
21 August 2007 @ 04:04 pm
we pretty much leave for tour on friday...i dont think i can describe how excited i am to get out of maine for awhile and relax. the past few months have probably been the most stressful times of my life. hopefully being away from everything and everyone for awhile will get my head straight and ill get myself together.

im in desperate need of a decent meal...which will be provided by my parents on friday:) im pumped for them to come to the show....even if they dont like it that much. ive been working my ass off the past few weeks and im stressing about money like crazy. ill have a few hundred bucks on tour....i think, but i wont have a job after friday and i still have a cell phone bill to worry about while im gone....i guess i shouldnt really worry about it too much, ill figure something out...i usually do.

anyway i should probably head back into work....only like 4 or 5 shifts left and i never have to make a sandwich for the stupid tourists and assholes that come into that store every single day. those people ruin my good mood on a day to day basis....fuck them

ill try to update as much as possible while im gone but i dont think anyone pays much attention to this shits anyway

get fucked